�����"She deserved to get smacked. She should have had dinner ready when I got home from a hard day at work." "I had to teach her a lesson. No woman should ever question a decision of mine." These sound like lines out of one of the many made-for-television movies about domestic violence. The sad truth is that domestic violence toward women is a serious problem facing American society today. Women are battered on a daily basis across the United States. Domestic violence not only affects their physical and emotional well being, but also their children and their livelihood. Many people misunderstand the reasons behind a woman�s decision to stay in an abusive relationship as well as the reasons for the abuse in the first place. Domestic violence is an issue that American society is just beginning to address. It is vitally important that the government continue to legislate and increase funding to provide programs that can help women leave violent situations.
�����It is estimated that, in America, a woman is beaten every 15 seconds. Out of all the women in the United States, one of three will be a victim of domestic violence. Another sobering statistic is that one out of every three women who go to the Emergency Room with injuries are victims of domestic violence, which totals to more than one million visits a year. One quarter of those visits are by women who are pregnant. Domestic violence is the main cause of injury to women, more than car accidents, muggings, and rapes combined.
�����While it is assumed that only poor or uneducated women are victims of domestic violence, it is not true. Women of all classes and races can be victims. Around one-third of men who receive counseling for battering their significant others are professional men such as doctors, lawyers, and business executives. Domestic violence is running rampant through all the layers of society.
�����There are many excuses for why men batter women. The most common ones are alcohol and drugs. Alcohol can bring out the worst in many men (thus the phrase "mean drunk"). Blaming alcohol allows men to apologize afterwards and place the blame for the violence somewhere other than on themselves. Men who abuse drugs function in the same way. Domestic violence is not "caused" by alcohol or narcotics. It is a choice that the batterer makes to use violence to harm and control the victim as much as possible.
�����Batterers have many characteristics in common. They can be obsessively jealous of their significant others. In addition, they can be cruel to animals, lose their temper over small problems, feel that men need to be in charge of women, own weapons, and are quick to use violence in any situation to solve a problem. Many men that are abusers had fathers who were also abusers. Another very common trait is the �Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality�. Generally, recovering victims say that the abuser seemed, at first, to be a very caring and loving person. The women say that they developed a relationship with the abuser, and then, all of a sudden, the men would show their violent side.
�����Many people believe that women in abusive relationships knowingly pick men that are abusive. Therefore, these women consciously put themselves into an abusive situation. Once in an abusive relationship, many people believe that the victims voluntarily choose to stay in abusive relationships because they could leave at any time if they really wanted to. Most victims do not feel this way. They feel trapped for many reasons. When women enter into abusive relationships, the abuser normally takes control of their lives. They control to whom the women speak and with whom they spend time, which often means an increased distance from family and friends. As that distance increases, they feel more and more isolated and alone. It is this very isolation that increases the strangle-hold that the abuser has on the relationship, making the women feel trapped and unable to leave.
�����Another reason why women are afraid to leave is that the abuser threatens their children, family, or friends. These threats can range from proposing harm to saying he will kill them. The abuser also threatens the victim, with promises of more frequent and much more violent beatings or even death. Women are at a 75% greater risk of being killed by the batterer after they have left, than if they had stayed in the abusive situation. Unfortunately, the latter statistic works to keep the victim in the violent situation with fear of death.
�����One more rationalization made by women is that within the abusive relationship there can be some good times along with the bad. There are times of happiness, when the abuser makes the victim feel loved and special. However, the abuse always returns. Breaking the ties can be very difficult for the victim. They just want the abuse to stop, not the relationship. Often, they do not have the self-esteem or confidence to attempt to go out on their own and try to start again because they do not believe that they can do it by themselves.
�����The abused woman may be more willing to stay because of how she was raised. If she was raised in a household where her father abused her mother, or where any of the siblings were abused, she is much more likely to accept the violence than someone who was not exposed to the violence at an early age. Another factor may be how often or how severe the abuse is. The less frequent and the less severe the beatings are, the more likely she is to accept it than if it happens on a daily basis, or if she has to go to the hospital.
�����Other reasons that women do not leave can be religious beliefs and financial restraints. If their religion does not accept divorce, they face losing the religious support that means so much to them. Also, some women have been excluded from all financial information by their husbands. This leaves them at a loss for how to support themselves and their children if they leave. More than 50% of the homeless people in America are women and children who have been victims to domestic violence. Many abusers are aware of these reasons and use them as a further form of control, taking away another part of the victim�s individualism.
�����There are four main types of abuse: psychological, indirect physical, direct physical and sexual. In most occurrences of abuse, multiple forms are going on. Psychological abuse includes name-calling, threatening to leave or end the relationship, intimidation, and taking away access to any finances. These behaviors result in the abused woman feeling bad or guilty about whatever it is that she has supposedly done to provoke an outburst.
�����The second form of abuse is indirect physical abuse. This abuse involves throwing objects at or around the victim, driving recklessly, destroying objects, and making threats against her. Even though there is no direct contact, this form of abuse should not be considered harmless. Indirect abuse is just as terrifying because the threat of actual physical violence is present.
�����The third form and fourth forms are directly related. Direct physical abuse involves any direct physical contact with the victim, including pushing, hitting, punching, choking, burning, or slapping. It also involves any type of restraint or any use of weapon against the victim. Sexual abuse can include not allowing privacy, forcing sexual acts, and spousal rape. The abusers use violence and sex to raise their own self-esteem. In the process, they incite fear and increase their control over the victim.
�����All of these abuses have an effect on the victim. Most abused women have very low self-esteem. They are usually nervous or timid and appear to be afraid most of the time. Along will this, many suffer from depression and have nightmares. Most victims believe that they are responsible for the way their abuser is acting and that they have in some way caused the abuse to happen. They also think that they are the only one that can fix the situation.
�����It is also important to look at the effect that domestic violence has on children who are present. In homes where spousal abuse takes place, it is fifteen times more likely that child abuse will be taking place, than in a home where no abuse was present. Male children are 700 times more likely to be violent if they see their father beating their mother. They learn that it is all right to respond to problems or anger with violence. Even if direct physical abuse is not happening to the children, they still see the physical abuse that their mother is receiving. They often have nightmares, become very aggressive, and have low self-esteem themselves. This often damages children�s emotional growth and well being. As children get older, they can become more withdrawn and have few friends because of the fear of others finding out about theviolence in their homes. Children who see violence between their parents are more likely to have emotional and behavior problems.
�����Additionally, domestic abuse affects productivity at work. The victims have a large number of absences as well as high medical expenses. An estimated 175,000 days a year are lost because of domestic violence. That is over 100 million dollars that is lost in sick time wages. Medical expenses add up to three to five billion dollars a year. It is also common for women to lose their jobs because of their absenteeism as a result of their domestic abuse.
����� The Crime Act of 1994 was the beginning of the federal legislation to help prevent domestic violence. Included in it was the Violence Against Women Act which was the first federal law to help fight domestic violence and more specifically, violence against women. The act provided 1.6 million dollars over five years to provide more prosecutors, and to train those prosecutors in domestic violence. Money was also provided for shelters and counseling services. It became a federal offense to cross-state lines to perform an act of domestic violence or even to harass a woman. Finally, it became illegal for anyone who is under a restraining order to be in the possession of a firearm.
�����Another important step in the fight against domestic violence occurred in March of 1995, when the Violence Against Women Office was created. President Clinton named Bonnie Campbell as the Director. The department is trying to create a process where federal laws and state and local authorities can work together to counter domestic violence. There was also a twenty-four hour, nationwide hotline setup specifically for domestic violence. It helps women find support, counseling and shelters available to them in their area.
�����Also in 1995, President Clinton made October the National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is a month to raise awareness about domestic violence by educating young people on the dangers and consequences of domestic violence. It also teaches them what their rights are and how to help keep themselves safe now and in the future.
�����While federal funding has quadrupled since 1993, going from 20 million to 88.6 million dollars, it is still not enough to begin to house all the women trying to escape from domestic violence. Women are beginning to report abuse more than in the past. From 1983 to 1991, domestic violence reports increased 117%.
�����It is important for women to be educated about the resources available to them. They are not alone and are not helpless. Their work may be a place to start. Many employers have counseling programs or if informed of the situation would be willing to help in anyway possible. The medical field can also help battered women. Many doctors incorporate a type of screening for abuse into their physical routine to check for obvious signs of abuse. This is done away from the abuser s o the victim may feel more comfortable speaking to a medical professional.
�����The amount of domestic violence that is occurring with the United States is staggering. The batterers have many reasons to excuse their violent actions, and their victims have just as many reasons to justify their willingness to remain in an abusive situation. These women must made to realize that there is help for them, if not for themselves, then for their children. American society needs to be aware of the symptoms of abuse, be able to recognize it, and assist the many victims. While the Federal government started with legislation in 1993 and has continued its support with increased funding, there is still much work to be done.
Family Resource